I listened to my gut. I really did!
I had a strange experience this past week. A job interview kind of fell into my lap. This job is in an area where I am pretty proficient, for more money, in one of the top 25 law schools in the country. It would be a complete step up in my career. And I came close, really, really close to going through with the first step in the interview process. I didn’t. After a long discussion with my husband and a lot of stomach pain, I withdrew from consideration. It was a choice between my career and my family. In other words, I would only get to see my son for an hour a day and on the weekends. My husband, for all intents and purposes, would have been a single parent. Something about it didn’t seem right. Something inside me wouldn’t be ignored and I finally listened.
So, why did I even consider it? Besides the career advancement and the money? Well, let me tell you. I wrote this the other day just to vent.
I went to school where I currently work. I was a student worker here, a staff person once I graduated, and now a faculty member. I have a certain fondness for this place. I have been here as an employee for ten years (total), not counting the student work. Every time I would get promoted, I would think to myself, “Hey! Now I will be treated like a professional.” It never happened. The funny thing is, other dept. heads treat me like a professional. The damn director of the library treats me like a professional. Outside of this library I am treated like a professional. Here, I am another drone who needs to keep her mouth shut and blindly do her work.
I went to school for this? I went to school while working full-time so I could be treated like this? I spend most of my waking time here. I don’t spend this time with my husband, or my son. I spend it here. Here – where I am chained to a desk (yes, I get up. I go to the restroom and sometimes - brace yourselves - I need to get out of this area, so I walk around outside, or I wander around the library looking at books that I might like to read), told to be quiet and not to socialize with co-workers because that could lead to complete anarchy within the department. So, is there any wonder why I consult a therapist twice a month? Do I really need to ask that question?
I do a good job. I work hard. I have evaluations that tell me so. I have award nominations for almost every year that I have worked here. I have great references and lots of contacts in and out of this place. I’m not afraid to ask questions and to face my mistakes. I’m not perfect but I try pretty hard to get things right. I’m not the only person here like that. Just like me, everyone else here is getting stepped on. I’m sick and tired of it falling on deaf ears.
Here is what I have to say about where I work. Open your eyes. Do you not see that anyone who has an ounce of initiative, creativity, or personality leaves here as soon as they can? Why? It’s not like you pay well enough for anyone to put up with this kind of treatment. This place crushes the ambitions of anyone employed here. It’s like a giant vacuum – sucking the drive and the confidence out of anyone who steps through the doors and signs a contract. I see it over and over again and I feel so helpless. I feel like the person waist deep in quicksand, trying to warn the others but she can’t find her voice.
So, why did I even consider it? Besides the career advancement and the money? Well, let me tell you. I wrote this the other day just to vent.
I went to school where I currently work. I was a student worker here, a staff person once I graduated, and now a faculty member. I have a certain fondness for this place. I have been here as an employee for ten years (total), not counting the student work. Every time I would get promoted, I would think to myself, “Hey! Now I will be treated like a professional.” It never happened. The funny thing is, other dept. heads treat me like a professional. The damn director of the library treats me like a professional. Outside of this library I am treated like a professional. Here, I am another drone who needs to keep her mouth shut and blindly do her work.
I went to school for this? I went to school while working full-time so I could be treated like this? I spend most of my waking time here. I don’t spend this time with my husband, or my son. I spend it here. Here – where I am chained to a desk (yes, I get up. I go to the restroom and sometimes - brace yourselves - I need to get out of this area, so I walk around outside, or I wander around the library looking at books that I might like to read), told to be quiet and not to socialize with co-workers because that could lead to complete anarchy within the department. So, is there any wonder why I consult a therapist twice a month? Do I really need to ask that question?
I do a good job. I work hard. I have evaluations that tell me so. I have award nominations for almost every year that I have worked here. I have great references and lots of contacts in and out of this place. I’m not afraid to ask questions and to face my mistakes. I’m not perfect but I try pretty hard to get things right. I’m not the only person here like that. Just like me, everyone else here is getting stepped on. I’m sick and tired of it falling on deaf ears.
Here is what I have to say about where I work. Open your eyes. Do you not see that anyone who has an ounce of initiative, creativity, or personality leaves here as soon as they can? Why? It’s not like you pay well enough for anyone to put up with this kind of treatment. This place crushes the ambitions of anyone employed here. It’s like a giant vacuum – sucking the drive and the confidence out of anyone who steps through the doors and signs a contract. I see it over and over again and I feel so helpless. I feel like the person waist deep in quicksand, trying to warn the others but she can’t find her voice.
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