I need a remedy...
I just realized that I haven't posted here in a long time. Wow. I guess I have been busy doing the mundane things that make up my everyday life.
That's not entirely true. I think part of the reason that I haven't posted anything is because I have been hiding. Slowly cutting myself off from things that I don't really have to deal with everyday. It's just a symptom of depression. I have probably been in a depressive funk for the past couple of weeks.
Most likely, my depression is caused by a bunch of things stacking up and then it's just too overwhelming to deal with. So, I don't. I hide. Then, everything caves in and I sludge through it. Fun, huh?
Some of the things that bother me are things that I need to learn to work around. I think I internalize a lot of stuff and I think too much. I mean, why do I feel responsible for other people's bad moods? Or rudeness? Or unprofessional behavior? Or inconsistency? I can only control myself and how I treat others. It's exhausting to constantly have to talk myself into not feeling responsible or guilty for things that I have no control over.
Damn Catholic guilt! It's done a number on me.
I need to trust people more. I have been burned on that one so many times, I always feel like there is some ulterior motive. Like I am being used for something.
But I have sludged through most of it - and hopefully, it won't come back. This weekend was really nice and I had a great time just doing nothing. Sometimes, that's the best remedy of all.
That's not entirely true. I think part of the reason that I haven't posted anything is because I have been hiding. Slowly cutting myself off from things that I don't really have to deal with everyday. It's just a symptom of depression. I have probably been in a depressive funk for the past couple of weeks.
Most likely, my depression is caused by a bunch of things stacking up and then it's just too overwhelming to deal with. So, I don't. I hide. Then, everything caves in and I sludge through it. Fun, huh?
Some of the things that bother me are things that I need to learn to work around. I think I internalize a lot of stuff and I think too much. I mean, why do I feel responsible for other people's bad moods? Or rudeness? Or unprofessional behavior? Or inconsistency? I can only control myself and how I treat others. It's exhausting to constantly have to talk myself into not feeling responsible or guilty for things that I have no control over.
Damn Catholic guilt! It's done a number on me.
I need to trust people more. I have been burned on that one so many times, I always feel like there is some ulterior motive. Like I am being used for something.
But I have sludged through most of it - and hopefully, it won't come back. This weekend was really nice and I had a great time just doing nothing. Sometimes, that's the best remedy of all.
3 Comments:
I guarantee you'll be cheered up around the time of Friday. You can't be all sad with Christine around. She's too funny.
By
Anonymous, at 1:55 PM
I love my Slices!!!
Luv my Slices!
By
fred, at 9:04 AM
Gosh, I could have written this post. Sounds so familiar...the hiding from issues until they cave in on you. The only advice I can give is to find a way to release those demons. Kick boxing class? Running? Painting? Writing in a journal? Somehow you've got to get them out of you. It's a war I fight every day.
By
Wendy, at 11:51 AM
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